That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
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I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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