if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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