Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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