im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
