i permit you to call me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Randomize
