Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
