did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
