I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
