Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
