K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
