ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
