Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
