And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
