My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize