Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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