he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
