I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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