its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
