Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
