Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
