well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
