me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
