guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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