I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
