Whod you bang
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
