I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
