I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He has the fingertips of a God
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
