So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
