let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
