remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize