"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
