The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
