Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
