You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
