Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
