he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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