News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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