The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
