I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
