We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
