I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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