ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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