I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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