how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
