i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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