you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
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all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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