My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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