Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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