Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
