My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
