Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
