he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
