soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I wear drunk well.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
