That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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