My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Randomize
