I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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